I have on my shoulders 66 years, 67 in two months. I can’t remember how many years I have been alone. Well, my wife died 9 years ago, she betrayed me. I was supposed to go first. We had three children, two boys and a girl. One of the boys died when he was still young, 10 or 11 years old. No parent should outlive their children. The other two are married and live, one in Canada and the other in France. Since my wife died, they have both tried to make me go with them. How can I do that? I don’t know any word of whatever they speak in there. I can’t even speak well in my own language. They have both children. I don’t know them. They would come here every year, but they don’t speak very well Albanian, so I don’t know them. I don’t think they like me, though. They think I am a grumpy old man, and I am sure they are afraid of me. My wife was the one with the smooth talk. I am a man; I am of few words.

They didn’t come last year due to this damn slow agony. I am old, I know I will die, but somehow I don’t want to die of the virus. I want to die of my death, be with my wife again.

I don’t think they will come this year either, my children with their kids. I haven’t seen them in a long time. They bought me a “tabel” or “tabal” never managed to remember the name, one of those computer thingy to talk with them. They should come and teach me how to use it.

(He started to laugh with his last sentence for almost a minute waiting for us to join).

But maybe I should go with them with my children if they would let me travel, of course. Is not that I haven’t thought about it, but then I think what if I die there, where will I be buried? Maybe there is nothing after death but what if there is? I have some friends here, men, of course, we smoke or drink a coffee together, or play backgammon. Not so much during the last year, though. I would not miss them so much, but I have my wife if I die here. If I die there…?

What nonsense bullshit… Maybe I should ask you girls to teach me how to use that damn cold thingy to see my kids.